Alan is a scholar of medieval poetry. Through the 1950s and '60s he works and lives alone in a cottage in East Anglia. It takes him years to fall in love, and to realise that he has done so, and he is ready to wait longer still for any response. Then, suddenly, he finds out why his love must never be spoken at all. But he can write about it. By recording events and analysing his own feelings with the same accuracy and honesty as he brings to his work, Alan hopes to contain the distress, and preserve some of the joy, of his lasting devotion. This account, 'begotten by Despair / Upon Impossibility', is his only hope. The passing of the seasons is illuminated by spare, poetic evocations of the countryside; the passing of the years is measured by Alan's literary projects. Gradually, we are drawn into his life until each poignant detail, each small consolation, is felt as our own.
Alan, a scholar of medieval poetry, lives and works alone in a cottage in East Anglia. Over many years he falls in love with a young neighbour, but waits to speak until Ben is old enough.
